Booted and Bummed

So now my torch was snuffed and off I walked into the African night. Bummer. I did stay in the area for the next 5 weeks. Not near the game site though. There is a zip on my lip regarding most of the post game stuff but here’s a little.

That tribal was as much fun as the previous one was and you all saw how that went. I did love being a part of it and it was such an amazing set it was hard not to enjoy it all while hating it all. There was as usual lots of bickering and all chattering away together like a troop on monkeys but it did end up with Jeff saying that we were making progress like a team.

Hooray. I was happy to see the extra CBS video clip that is on my site and on the CBS website. No one had anything really horrible to say about me and mostly sorry to see I go. Check it out. Even Randy validated he was sorry it was me. So no boooing Randy here please.!! Crystal made a bit of an idiot of herself by saying “it’s a physical game and you have to go.” Like she had shown any physical prowess so far. Poor Crystal. Matty said “sorry, you just didn’t fit in. “ Looking at it all, thank God I didn’t fit in. That would have been a shameful thing for me if I did.

We had our say at the exit camera setup which you can also see on my website under CBS video Gillian the day after. Fun to look at especially if you are International and don’t have access to the CBS website. My mouth was so dry as I had not been able to drink much as water was somewhat scarce keeping up with the demand. I thought my lips were sticking to my teeth and wondered how ridiculous I sounded !!!! I felt like I was baring my teeth at the camera they were so dry and stuck on my lips…..maybe I was and intentiional :)I was then whisked off, fed, checked out and put to bed after a good shower. I could not even get clean and the towel was still brown. It felt so good to smell decent again. I can’t believe how much we all smelled. I will never forget the smell and I had at least washed my shirt with ash and pits with charcoal and did get the smell out but still peeeeuw.

The stages of grief are a definite thing and I found that out during the first few days of my “exile from the game.

Denial. I could not believe my game had gone the way it had and it was over. It was all I had hoped it would be and it was all I had hoped it would not be. I walked and walked muttering and muttering and looking for monkeys.

Anger. I was really pissed that I had landed up in a tribe I was so out of sync with. I know I would have been so much better off in Kota. I couldn’t believe that a group of people could so blatantly screw up someone’s game by being such an uncaring self filled bunch. All but Dan and actually Randy a lot of the time. How dare they totally ruin an experience I had tried so hard to get. It wasn’t even decent conniving game play. Whack whack with the machete as I worked through this stage.

Bargaining. I just know that Survivor will put in some sort of twist and the magic of Africa will bring me back into the game to play some more in some fashion. I kept walking about 4-5 hours a day to keep fit as I just knew this might happen. If I keep fit, stay positive and follow all the rules I can get back in. What I didn’t know until I watched it air was they had me as annoying and useless. J

Depression. This part I really never got to as I just don’t. I am always able to look at the bright side of anything and find a positive. I realized that my “persona in the game was over enthusiastic and happy and what the hell,that is who I am and that is who I will always be. I have a lot to be happy and grateful for so happy I am. The wine at lunch and dinner seemed to help that along too.!!!! 😉 There is however the lasting sadness that I have about how my experinec went. One day I will write my book and tell all.

Acceptance. Well this happened when I was given my luxury item.

I spent the first few days rehashing my game over and over as I walked the beach and the jungle looking for solace. I found an old machete and whacked the hell out of 6 coconuts, cleaning them totally and taking them “home” to eat. Wow, was that good encounter therapy.!!! My daughter Kendra had taken my Luxury item, a book to go with medicine cards and highlighted a whole lot of words all thru the book. I connected the dots and read her message with a full heart. Most of it was all about how proud everyone was of me and they love me etc etc and then part of the message literally leaped out at me and struck me like a thunderbolt.

“Honor yourself”

That is exactly what I need right then. I had not been able to play the game with dishonor and desecrate my spirit of Ubuntu (google that) I had done everything I knew how, felt I had contributed to my tribe and done my absolute best. I could not “fit in” by being who the tribe was being and I did honor myself. On all my applications the question was “what will you not do for a million dollars/”

I had always answered …Prostitution and drugs.

I now knew it was not dishonor my soul.

I now knew why I had pursued the goal I had to play the game. It was to bring a message out of the game that everyone can do something they set their minds to if they want it badly enough. I am 61 and I made it to Survivor despite all the odds.

Thank you Kendra for that amazing and timely message hidden deep in the book. It was the balm that soothed my aching heart and gave me a new endeavor. I will develop my theme of

Dream it,

Believe it,

Prepare for it

and DO IT !!!!!

I will get that message out to as many people as I can and if only one person hears it and makes a life’s change that enhances their life as a result then my message is heard. My game of Survivor will be the stone dropped in the water and the ripples of belief will go out and touch someone.

I will pursue an old dream of being a motivational speaker and guess what, enthusiasm is a good thing in that arena.

I picked up my machete and coconuts, tucked my book under my arm and set back up the hill to start the framework of my new goal.

Once again I would

Dream it

Believe it,

Prepare for it

And DO IT.

I so believe that each of us have a path of destiny that plays out and is guided by a hand far greater than ours. My knowing that Crystal was an Olympic runner before I went into the game was meant to be for me to follow the path that was destined to be my game. If another path had been destined I would not have known who she was and Marcus would have been my tribe mate and who knows what would have happened.

I realize that my choice in Luxury item was also a predestined choice. I had had a lot of trouble deciding and had kept being drawn in the Medicine cards direction. I had thought it would be a fun thing to do with my tribe mates and help all of us as I do believe in the power of their messages and we were among animals. I know my tribe would not have given two hoots about using them but here I was on “Booted Beach “ finding a very powerful message which was now heading me in a new direction and mission. Wow. I must also add that the cards became a salve that soothed many a wounded ego with their messages which always hit the nail on the head. Eeerily so. I use them still today.

My 5 weeks was like being on vacation as a 10 year old. I had no money, I needed no money, everything was paid for. I did not know where we were going or when we were going or how we were going. Someone else made all the arrangements. I had been told by my daughters a while back that I needed to join “Planners Anonymous” as I am always making so many plans. Well this 5 weeks served as a wonderful “detox program” for Planners anon. After the initial few days I didn’t care about anything other than enjoying myself and doing as I was told. Not a worry in the world. There is something to be said for that.

I am doing the 60 mile walk for Cancer Funding in November so I started training as well. I spent 4-5 hours walking everyday. It was awesome. When can one walk on an endless isolated beach or a wide open African Savannah or a deep and exciting jungle? I saw monkeys many times and their message in my book was always right on for that day. Thanks monkeys. I loved your antics and I loved your message.

Every 3 days we would wonder who had been booted the night before at tribal and waiting with mounting anticipation to hear the helicopter at 6.30am bringing in the most recent “Cast Off.” For anyone old enough remember “Fantasy Island “. I would be walking in the jungle and would hear the plane and would run to the helipad thinking “Ze Plane Ze plane and wait with bated breath to see who would step out. Every one was a huge surprise. OMG….. It’s ………

So you have to keep watching to see who I saw.

Before I end I will answer the most burning question you all have.

Yes we did use leaves for toilet paper as they gave us nothing but the clothes on our backs. I didn’t need to use any as I didn’t poop for 6 days and only peed once a day and a little very brown pee. And you thought my elephant dung story was gross. !!!!

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